SNOW TERROR!

There once was a beautiful, intelligent, young woman named Sara Ehlers who always smelled nice even though she rarely showered. This was because, although she may have been extremely smart, she smoked marijuana. Which is bad and you should never smoke it. Seriously, it’s a gateway drug and you’ll probably die a horrible excruciating death like those college students in Hostel if you continue to smoke it.

One day Sara got her driver’s license and she was very excited. “Horay! I can drive!”

It just so happened that on that particular week in which she obtained her license, it had snowed a significant amount of snow. She didn’t care because for some reason nothing ever seemed like that big of a deal to her. “Oh man it’s snowing,” she said to herself and decided to make some popcorn. Just then her friend called her on the telephone.

“Hello.”

“Sara?”

“Yeah?”

“This is Beth. I just found my old copy of Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail. You should come watch it with me.”

“Ok dude, for sure.”

Sara glanced down at her bag of popcorn and decided to take it with her. Movies and popcorn seemed to go together. So it made sense. She put on her snow boots and went outside.

As she got into her 1985 Monte Carlo (which her friend’s had dubbed The Honey Bucket) she realized that she couldn’t live without her music, even if her friend Beth lived less than five minutes away, she needed her jams.

Ten minutes later (the length of time it took her to locate her Tom Petty c.d.) she was back in The Honey Bucket and ready to travel. Placing the bowl of popcorn in her lap she turned the key. Tom Petty blasted through the speakers Even the losers get lucky sometime… Baby… Even the losers…

Sara proceeded to back out, but something terrible happened! She got stuck in the snow and her popcorn spilled onto the floor of the car!

“Oh no!” Sara exclaimed as she bent down to retrieve the precious kernels. As she collected the spilled popcorn into the palm of her hand she continued to press on the gas in an attempt to free the car from the snow.

This went on for a considerable amount of time. Sara turned up the radio even louder and continued to pick up the popcorn whilst backing out against the blocking snow.

After a few minutes of the same routine, Sara began to hear a noise that sounded a lot different than Tom Petty. It sounded horrible and angry. It wasn’t a pleasant sound. And when Sara looked up from the floor of the car she realized that the noise was coming from her sister Miranda.

Miranda was standing on the porch waving her arms around in an angry manner. Sara wondered why her sister was so angry.

“WHAT I CAN’T HEAR YOU?” Sara hollered.

“What the f@*& are you doing?” Her sister was really mad.

Sara decided that it was probably a good idea to drive away really fast and get out of there, but she couldn’t because of the snow. So she decided to turn the car off and get yelled at by her sister.

Sara got out of the car and asked her sister why she was so mad.

“Dude, what’s your problem?”

“YOU’RE RAMMING DAD’S TRUCK! YOU STUPID B#$%@!”

Sara’s heart stopped in her chest and dropped into her stomach. She turned around slowly to see her father’s new Ford parked in her blind spot. The red truck now had a dented in scrape that seemed to stretch out for miles and miles (But in actual reality it was only about three feet).

“F%$@ ME!”

Sara’s mouth hung open in despair because she was about to learn a very valuable life lesson. Not only was it important to check your blind spot, but it was also not a very good idea to try and eat popcorn off the floor of your car (no matter how clean it is) if you’re in the process of driving.